i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.