we're blogging at a bar
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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