I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Randomize
