Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

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  (646): A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!" http://tfl.nu/psh2
  Replies (10) Good night (2019) Bad night (871)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  kinda like you and your friends.

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  (931): dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny. (803): kinda like you and your friends. http://tfl.nu/yef0
  Replies (14) Good night (787) Bad night (2290)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.

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  (206): I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days. http://tfl.nu/extb
  Replies (18) Good night (4952) Bad night (621)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.

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  (765): Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else. http://tfl.nu/92rk
  Replies (2) Good night (2748) Bad night (666)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Your vagain smells worse when im sober.

  (903): View more from Texas

  sorry, worng number

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  (903): Your vagain smells worse when im sober. (903): sorry, worng number http://tfl.nu/xznv
  Replies (20) Good night (809) Bad night (4184)
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  (315): View more from New York

  You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.

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  (315): You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you. http://tfl.nu/rrga
  Replies (16) Good night (6382) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

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  (412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue
  Replies (51) Good night (2409) Bad night (13961)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.

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  (703): I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk. http://tfl.nu/xfwn
  Replies (8) Good night (753) Bad night (5549)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check

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  (847): there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check http://tfl.nu/dzvq
  Replies (7) Good night (4105) Bad night (1374)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  ...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.

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  (815): ...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates. http://tfl.nu/314n
  Replies (9) Good night (1057) Bad night (2836)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?

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  (970): Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right? http://tfl.nu/vtmk
  Replies (7) Good night (2271) Bad night (677)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.

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  (306): You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons. http://tfl.nu/ly4h
  Replies (4) Good night (1403) Bad night (805)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.

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  (912): He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist. http://tfl.nu/1sb8
  Replies (7) Good night (2296) Bad night (681)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock

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  (318): My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock http://tfl.nu/d5ea
  Replies (10) Good night (1766) Bad night (443)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.

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  (517): I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish. http://tfl.nu/ztbe
  Replies (2) Good night (869) Bad night (413)

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