im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.