fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
