Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna

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(780): We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna http://tfl.nu/yjmv

Replies (14) Good night (1688) Bad night (4340)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

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(778): we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza" http://tfl.nu/yszc

Replies (11) Good night (3842) Bad night (511)
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(585): View more from New York

im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed

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(585): im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed http://tfl.nu/eq1c

Replies (89) Good night (9114) Bad night (1607)
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(407): View more from Florida

cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.

(1-407): View more from Florida

the diet of an alcoholic...

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(407): cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks. (1-407): the diet of an alcoholic... http://tfl.nu/3a7v

Replies (15) Good night (4147) Bad night (669)
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(925): View more from California

I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

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(925): I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible http://tfl.nu/u9b3

Replies (16) Good night (4221) Bad night (1051)
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(807): View more from Ontario

at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.

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(807): at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket. http://tfl.nu/odip

Replies (8) Good night (5059) Bad night (1457)
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(503): View more from Oregon

you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you

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(503): you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you http://tfl.nu/l62c

Replies (4) Good night (2149) Bad night (1083)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?

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(403): When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain? http://tfl.nu/0j3p

Replies (13) Good night (5021) Bad night (859)
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(248): View more from Michigan

No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.

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(248): No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut. http://tfl.nu/0bwj

Replies (26) Good night (3597) Bad night (557)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.

(816): View more from Missouri

Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????

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(913): Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise. (816): Sooo grey goose Tuesday????? http://tfl.nu/cvqv

Replies (6) Good night (1071) Bad night (292)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.

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(484): She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months. http://tfl.nu/6km6

Replies (9) Good night (1864) Bad night (766)
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(693): View more from

You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml

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(693): You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml http://tfl.nu/qfop

Replies (4) Good night (294) Bad night (487)
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(779): View more from Illinois

Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now

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(779): Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now http://tfl.nu/zs7j

Replies (1) Good night (209) Bad night (403)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.

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(515): I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore. http://tfl.nu/112w

Replies (0) Good night (328) Bad night (248)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.

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(401): Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house. http://tfl.nu/mj8z

Replies (0) Good night (331) Bad night (146)

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