i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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