non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
