You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
