Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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