people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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