I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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