my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
