What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
