That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
