we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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