there's paper in my vomit.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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