I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
