I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
