my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
