I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
