Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
