I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
