In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
