I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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