Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
