At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
