you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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