...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
