sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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