we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
