He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
