we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
