if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
