What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
