dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Randomize
