She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So much rum. So many feels.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
