Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Boobs speak an international language.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
