I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Holy sore nipples Batman
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Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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