I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
