Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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