Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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