I just pynch a tree in the face
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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