We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
