i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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