the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
