yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
