Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
