I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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