HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
