So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
