he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
