My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize