It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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