I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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