Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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