Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
