What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
