I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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