I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
