please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
