I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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