So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You pole danced in your parka.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
