His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
