i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
