he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
whose parrot is this?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize