I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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