I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
