It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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