I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
