Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
