Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
