and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
