never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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