As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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