I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
