I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
