my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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